Nine Lives – A Lame Movie That Should Apologize to Cats!
5 August, 2016
Nine lives the movie

Don’t let the title fool you!  “Nine Lives”  starring Kevin Spacey as the voice of a disgruntled kitty cat named Mister Fuzzypants or a human name Tom Brand, is a real estate developer who cares way too much about the fact that his company’s new headquarters will be the tallest building in North America.  Not off to a good start!

Sure, there are the cat videos and scenes, but the real plot it is that a new Chicago tower is going to be taller, and then there is too much time spent listening to Tom bicker with one of his board members (Mark Consuelos’ Ian Cox) about a plan to take his company public.  Um, can we bring in the cats please?

Tom is put into a coma and his spirit is transferred to the cat he has just (grouchily) purchased for his daughter’s birthday.  What happened to adopting?   Nobody knows about the transformation except Walken’s pet-store owner, meaning that while the girl (Malina Weissman) and Tom’s wife (Jennifer Garner) worry about Dad at home, we get to listen to Spacey’s phone-it-in voiceover as Mister Fuzzypants tears the family home apart in an attempt to prove that he’s really a human trapped in a cat’s body.

Oh, yeah, here’s funny cat stuff:   Mister Fuzzypants try to hold a pen and scrawl a note! See Mister Fuzzypants try to pour out a decanter of 50-year-old Scotch! See him leap onto counters and up walls, inch along the ledges of a Fifth Avenue high-rise, and fall flat on his feline back! In the movie, some of these routines actually do get turned into amateur cat videos but it is still a yawn!.

Brand’s associates attempt to sell off his company while he’s in a coma. Can Fuzzypants unravel their plan?  Christopher Walken is on hand, as a kind of eccentric “Gremlins”-shop-owner-meets-cat-fancier. The fur on Walken’s head stands up nearly as tall as one of Brand’s buildings, and the character is supposed to be a “cat whisperer,” which means that he, along with the audience, is equally unfortunate to hear all those  ridiculous lines that issue from the inner voice of Mister Fuzzypants.

This could have been a funny or at least, mildly funny comedy that centers around a talking cat.  But, you still have to make the plot work and figure out funnier situations from which to draw.

Photo credit – Europacorp

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